A successful team must contain at least one Venus player, i.e. a player with at least five of the following traits:
- Self-aggrandisement
- Properties typically associated with a member of the Greek pantheon of Gods, particularly artistry or physical beauty
- Prepared to fight like a wild boar protecting her piglets
- Displays some female-like body movements during a game (with or without the ball)
- Wears his football socks above the knee or just under the knee with the tops rolled up
- Uses precise or elaborate hair removal techniques
- Cover model for a fashion magazine (for women or men)
- A tendency to dramatic gestures and reactions
- Is able to do things in a game that others simply cannot do or would never think of doing
- Has a slight tendency to miss important penalties
Equally, a successful team must never contain more than three such players*.
*This number is hotly debated in scientific circles. The Lisbon-Madrid-Rio Movement regard three as a minimum requirement. The Berlin-Vienna Group led by the highly-respected Prof. Ochs von Kuhdamm insist on a maximum of two, while British researchers in Oxford and Edinburgh claim one as an ideal. In a presentation entitled “Venus players – lifeline or luxury?” at the recent 3rd International Congress of Football Theorists in Stockholm, a Moscow delegation suggested that Venus Players are actually unnecessary. Their proposal was, however, widely rejected by their peers due to a lack of clear evidence.
Venus theory explained
Die Venustheorie – eine Einführung
Related articles:
Venus, die Piraten und ein 2-1
Spielertypen und Rückennummer
