Football is all about

Berggasse XI(X)

[See all Postcards | See all Teamsheets]

Psychoanalysis teamsheet

M: “Remember when we used to play for Berggasse?”

A: “How could I forget? My agent told me they discussed base salaries and performance bonuses with him before I signed but mostly wanted to talk about his childhood. Should have known things would be different there.”

M: “My first day we had a morning session with warm-up sprints and passing exercises, then we worked on set pieces and specific tactics for the game on Saturday. We spent the afternoon session trying to draw out the deterministic forces working in the unconscious and analysing whether experiences of isolation as young adolescents might be affecting our expected goals ratio.”

A: “Bet that was more helpful than the halftime talks, though. Remember those?”

M: “Oh, yeah, never enjoyed them. You want to rehydrate and focus on tactical instructions, not interpret a series of abstract inkblots put together by the match analyst based on your first-half performance.”

A: “And what about the manager, eh?”

M: “Never got to know him. The only time we really spoke was after I got that red card for violent conduct. Called me into his office the next day to talk about my attitude…my professionalism…my thoughts on the id, ego and superego model of the human psyche.”

A: “You got off lightly. And you’d long gone by the time of my penalty incident.”

M: “What penalty incident?”

A: “We’re 1-0 down in the cup when the ref gives us a spot kick in the 90th minute. The ground’s all wet, so I slipped on the run-up and missed. Thought maybe I had the wrong boots on, but the manager blamed an unwillingness to confront my repressed emotions.”

M: “All the time I was there, you know, I never dared dream I’d make something of myself.”

A: “Yeah, we were still too young and lacked self-confidence.”

M: “Nah, it wasn’t that. You know how it was. If you dreamed of future glory, you’d have to spend hours on the physio table analysing those dreams for explicit or latent symbolism. No time for that when you’ve hair appointments and promo work for sponsors.”

A: “True. Another pint?”

M: “Yeah, don’t mind if I do.”

5th February 2021 By Mark Tagged With: Freud, Vienna

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Imaginary teamsheets

  • The latest teamsheets
  • Published postcards

Extraordinary theories

  • Theories overview
    • The surprise effect
    • Names theory
    • The shirt number factor
    • The piratical index
    • Venus theory
    • Morphogenetic fields
    • The phase rule
    • The Moirai-Zeus conflict
    • Samson theory
    • The invisible man
    • The shoelace effect

More truth & fiction

  • Interesting asides
  • Q&A with football insiders
  • EURO 2016
  • Legendäre Spiele
  • Geniale Fußballer: eine Studie
  • Die 3-Punkte Regel

Popular tags:

3-Punkte Regel 3-Punkte System arsenal Barcelona Buffon Champions League Chelsea CR7 deutsch England English Euro 2016 Fußball Garrincha Geniale Spieler Greek Mythology Griezmann Iniesta Italien Jane Austen Juventus legendäre Spiele Liverpool London Maradona Messi Moirai-Zeus Conflict Moirai-Zeus Konflikt namenstheorie names theory Oper Pelé phasenregel premier league Ramos Real Madrid Ronaldo Rückennummer Rückennummerfaktor Shakespeare Surprise Effect Tore Unentschieden Xavi Zeus

Copyright 2016 - 2021 fiaa.at | Contact | About | Impressum | Privacy and data protection